“Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.”
When I was a teenager, and into my years as a young adult, I had no fear. The future held only promise, excitement and new adventures. I could, and often would, change my life and my location without a moments thought or worry. With each change I would feel only new hope and promise.
So when did the fear and worry of experiencing life set in and what contributed to this unwanted emotion? I have spent many years contemplating this and for me I believe the fear grew with each new purchase. My “stuff” was keeping me hostage in a place I no longer belonged. I had spent years acquiring beautiful furniture, antiques, artwork and several closets full of beautiful clothes, shoes and purses (I am a woman after all).
Before embarking on my latest adventure, I sat in my home surrounded by my “stuff” and realized that there was no joy in any of it for me. And yes, I had also acquired many beautiful mementos and photos of days gone by. But even these treasures were not necessary, I know those moments will forever be etched on my heart. Still, how does one let go of years of conditioning, years of collecting?
My son, Austin, was and is a huge inspiration for me. I want him to have inner peace more than I want anything else for him. I have always told him that the true measure of a man's success is not measured in his possessions or his money but rather in his heart and his happiness. I want him to experience true love in his heart and to know that the world is good.
I realized that if I wanted this for him, I would need to search it for myself. And so here I am, in France, living a much simpler life than the one I had grown accustomed to. I am certain that to many my choice to leave those things behind seems insane. However there are others who know me and my need to understand life’s meaning. Perhaps many will say that I am only a dreamer… but I am quite certain that I can never allow the opinions of others to influence who I am and who I choose to be.
I never want to forget that my life’s greatest purpose is to live life… and that the biggest secret is love. It has become my journey, my hope and my dream, to go beyond my personal self and into my spiritual self. It is true that I spend much time searching for truth and searching my heart for answers to age old questions. It is also true that my number one goal in life is to become more enlightened. It is the hardest work I have yet to undertake but I feel, at least for me, it is the most important. In order to find my way, it has been necessary for me to lose my way… to stop trying to control my life in order to have my personal preferences, likes and dislikes fulfilled.
Instead, peace and happiness are felt when I surrender to the flow of life, accepting the waves as just a ripple in the great ocean of life. And with these ripples comes a knowing that greater things are yet to come. It is my aim to live in acceptance… and love. I have found that happiness can only come when I stop fighting against life.
“The past and present are only our means; the future is always our end. Thus we never really live, but only hope to live.” ~ Blaise Pascal
Said differently, If the future is always my end, then I can never really live but only hope to live. If I dwell in past and future, I do not live in reality, (in the present moment). I am therefore always Becoming but never Being; I am not living; only dying.
I strive to understand the workings of my mind and not to just accept living the stories my mind (my ego) tells me. And although I have no idea where I am going, I have faith that all will be beautiful... Deep inside of me I know there is a better way to see and live life.
And so it is my dream to dance thru this life...
“When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It is to enjoy each step along the way.” ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer