I chose the red pill...

Teresa WeierComment

In the movie the Matrix, Morpheus shows Neo two pills: a blue and a red one. If Neo chooses the blue pill, he will wake up in his normal surroundings and nothing will have changed, he will forget everything that happened.  His life will continue as always and all truths that he had begun to learn of his world will have been forgotten.   If he takes the red one he will begin to see just how disillusioned he has been about life and thus begin the discovery of how deep the rabbit hole truly goes.

He chose the red pill, and so did I....  so where do I go from here?  That is a question that was recently asked of me.  I thought to myself, what an excellent question but how do I answer it?  There is no short answer but I will try to answer it here, I will try to explain what choosing the red pill has meant to me.  

Throughout my journey of self discovery there have been many times I have wished that I had chosen the blue pill.   Remember the saying, “ignorance is bliss”?  I believe there may be some validity to these words.  I would often tell myself that life was certainly easier when all I had to think about was my next purchase or “will these shoes go with that dress?  What should I serve at the next dinner party?  What destination should we choose for our vacation?”  And so on and so on…  

For many years, these had been my main thoughts and these things (these purchases) had been my drugs.  I had been sleepwalking thru life until the day I chose the red pill and left that world behind. Perhaps there should have been a warning label on those pills, “Warning! Warning!  once the red pill is swallowed there is no going back!”.  There was none… and I think I swallowed 2.

After making my choice and leaving my old life behind,  my thoughts turned to asking and searching for the answers to Life’s more difficult questions, ‘Where is joy found? What is the meaning of life?  Why am I here? I had to look inside myself for the answers, they could no longer be found in anything external. 

I read countless books and searched a myriad of videos in the hopes of finding  the  pieces to life's puzzle that  would resonate truth to my own soul.  It has taken many years and  more often than not I was left with a deep feeling of being alone and lost.  But it was too late, I had swallowed the red pill…  I was falling down the rabbit hole.   

I struggled to remain positive but would often slip back into my old way of thinking, such as “I will be happy when I have this or that or when this or that happens”.  For a very long time my drug of choice became love.  I continually searched and wished for it.  I was certain the answers I sought could be found once I found “him”.  I would tell myself,   “ You are only missing this one ingredient, and once found, your life will be rich with happiness and joy".  

I was wrong… I had not gone deep enough into the rabbit hole, I had not awakened all of me.  I had not yet learned that peace, happiness and joy are not constricted to having romantic love.  I was still trying to replace one drug (things) with another drug (love).  I had not yet learned that happiness is not conditional to anything or anyone on the outside of me.  But rather, happiness can only come from inside me and with how I choose to think. 

As is the case of most who are raised in the western world, I had been given the blue pill in my childhood.  It's effects are that early in one's life,  one's imagination begins to lessen and  we no longer remember to look for the magic.   As I grew to adulthood, I began to believe the stories that this pill induces to all who take it… “things don’t come easy, money equals success equals happiness, we are separate from one another, life isn’t fair”.  On and on the stories were told to me, and on and on I believed less in myself and more in these stories. 

It has been a very long journey and at times a very hard fall through that rabbit hole.  And yes, some of the residue of the blue pill still lingers today,  as do some of the habits acquired from years of thinking, believing, and doing the same things over and over. 

Much of the way I have thought throughout my life was not based on truth but rather on an unconscious habit of unconscious thinking.  This way of thinking ultimately resulted in me believing in and worrying about  (and thus living)  the stories those unconscious thoughts produced..  Good news though,  all bad habits can be broken.  

I am sure of one thing, our thoughts create our reality.  And I have come to realize that in order to live joy, I must change how my mind thinks.   I am working at living conscious of my thoughts, in a sense I am working to reprogram my mind.   

I am realizing that the more often I am conscious of my thinking and especially of unwanted thoughts, then the more quickly I can change those thoughts.  I don’t have to live the story my rambling mind wants to tell, I can choose my own happy story.  

In other words,  the more often I can become conscious of my thoughts and make a conscious effort  to reach for a higher thought, then the more often I can and will experience love and joy .   And of course the more often one feels love and joy, the more often one can find the true beauty in life which is here and now.  

I have been fortunate in my life...  I have seen the world from the proverbial mountaintop and later from the effects of the red pill.  I choose the red pill!





We can change our lives and choose our destiny by how we think and look at things...